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October 31 2013

4049 67e3

thearcanetheory:

fuckingrecipes:

DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?


WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)

RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT  1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.

THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.


ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.


“CHRISTMAS”
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT. image
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.

THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER. image

NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.

THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED

THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI  ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.


RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.

TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.
image
FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.  


YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.

 

WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”

Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.

Reposted fromsene sene viakot-z-cheshire kot-z-cheshire

October 24 2013

timtim
5101 09b2 500
watch all DW!

September 21 2013

timtim
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Reposted fromknowyourworth knowyourworth viaNorkNork NorkNork

September 02 2013

timtim
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...
Reposted fromPICCHU PICCHU viacheatha cheatha

July 27 2013

timtim
6548 b36e

sc2sday:

mollyiswideawake:

octaviancross:

Always remember

YEAH BUT CALIGULA WAS FUCKIN INSANE

And not in a good way. He was literally insane, and he was an absolute tyrant. He’s my favourite Roman emperor, just because he’s so interesting

  • His father was a military hero, and he spent the first few years of his life on an army camp, where he paraded around wearing this mini-military uniform his mother made (which is where he got his name- “Caligula" meaning “little boot"). The soldiers basically worshipped him.
  • As a teenager, he was called before Tiberius (who was a complete tyrant in his own right, and supposedly killed members of Caligula’s family) on the island of Capri, where he was forcibly adopted and as a result of how well he was treated he supposedly developed Stockholm Syndrome (though this is subject to debate). He held an undying hatred for Tiberius but was forced to show respect, so took out his anger on others and enjoyed watching executions and torture, and frequently indulged in orgies
  • TIBERIUS THOUGHT HE WAS MAD. TIBERIUS.
  • He gains absolute power of the Roman Empire at the 24- spent the last 5 years watching Tiberius murder, rape, and torture innocents for his own pleasure. So it’s fair to say he’s pretty messed up. He starts off by obliterating unpopular tax and literally giving away money- thus winning the adoration of the citizens. Then, seemingly overnight, he becomes a vicious, bloodthirsty psychopath.
  • Early in his reign, he fell ill and spent a considerably period of time on the verge of death. Following most of his recovery, he still suffered major headaches and sometimes wandered round his palace in the dead of night, and started cross-dressing
  • During his illness, one man offered his life in exchange for Caligula’s recovery. When he recovered, Caligula sought out this man and had him sacrificed.
  • He called banquets, raped the female guests, then brought them back to the table to discuss the rape with the other guests
  • HE DECLARED WAR ON THE GODS. Hence why he had the army fight Poseidon.
  • He would make parents watch the executions of their children
  • He held dinner parties for highly-regarded Roman citizens, during which he would order the executions of criminals between courses and- while his guests were dining- he would rape their wives in the room next door
  • He appointed a horse as a consul. I’ll say that again. HE NAMED A HORSE A CONSUL. He had said horse attended to by 18 servants and fed it oats mixed with gold flakes
  • He names himself a living God
  • He his reign lasted four years, before he was stabbed to death. He did all that in four years.

I’M SORRY I JUST REALLY LOVE ROMAN HISTORY OK

All I can think of is

Reposted frompannakojot pannakojot viaInshandru Inshandru

July 20 2013

timtim

June 07 2013

timtim
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Reposted fromricksiebert ricksiebert viahappymeal happymeal

June 03 2013

timtim

May 30 2013

timtim
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:D
Reposted fromckisback ckisback viaInshandru Inshandru

May 29 2013

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timtim
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Reposted fromklaura klaura viacheatha cheatha

May 16 2013

timtim
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Reposted fromDavyJones DavyJones viatrikk trikk

May 09 2013

timtim
Play fullscreen
THIS IS WATER - YouTube
Reposted fromEineFragevonStil EineFragevonStil

May 08 2013

timtim
Reposted fromzbysiusiekiera zbysiusiekiera viatrikk trikk

May 03 2013

timtim
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Reposted fromlagerkoller lagerkoller viahappymeal happymeal

April 28 2013

timtim

April 13 2013

timtim
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Reposted fromblueeyes88 blueeyes88 viaDeactivated Deactivated

April 06 2013

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